Because sometimes, you just can’t make it to a bed.
While a bed may be your go-to place to have sex, there are times where a bed isn’t readily available, or you’re lost in the throes of passion—so enveloped in the heat of the moment—that you simply can’t make it to the bedroom. You have to do it on the table right then and right there. Hot.
While having sex on a table may seem relatively straightforward, there are actually quite a few things you should consider before stripping off your clothes and doing it on the dining room table. Otherwise, it might not just be unsexy—you may even hurt yourselves, and lord knows you don’t want to end up with an embarrassing trip to the emergency room.
To learn how to maximize pleasure (and minimize risk) while having table sex, we spoke to two sex experts: Tarynn Dier, LMSW, a psychotherapist who specializes in sexuality, and Ashley Cobb, a sex expert for Lovehoney.
1. Consider height.
“When having table sex, you have to consider your height, your partner’s height, and the height of the table,” Cobb says. Let’s say you’re trying to do a modified version of doggy style with your partner’s upper body on the table and their lower half off the table. If the table is too high, you’re going to have to stand on your tippy-toes to have sex with them. Too low, and you’ll be squatting uncomfortably. (However, if it’s really low, you can actually get on your knees and have sex that way.) “When choosing a table, one that is waist-height, like your kitchen table, is best,” Cobb says. “If you are on the shorter side, consider a desk or TV stand.”
2. Check the table’s sturdiness.
For safety reasons, you need to determine how sturdy the table is. “You don’t want to be in the middle of doing the do, and the table breaks under you,” Cobb says. So make sure the table’s legs are firmly planted on the floor. Before throwing your partner on the table, push down on it forcefully with your hands to see if it feels sturdy. If it does, go for it. Otherwise, find another surface that is. (Kitchen islands are typically sturdy if they were built connected to the ground of your home or apartment.)
3. Consider the table’s surface materials.
“Glass can be too slippery, so avoid glass top tables,” Cobb says. If anything is rough or unclean, Cobb suggests throwing a blanket on top of the table to make it more comfortable.
4. Make it a play scene.
While we think of table sex as being more spontaneous, Dier notes you can make an entire premeditated sex scene out of it. “Set the table for dinner with the intention to have your partner as the main course,’” she says. “Use unbreakable plates so that you can wipe the table clean, showing your partner that what’s on the table doesn’t matter; all that matters is your partner’s pleasure.”