Sex is a topic that everyone thinks about, but few are comfortable talking about. When I wrote the book Male Menopause in 1997, I reported on an experimental drug that showed promise in helping men achieve and maintain an erection. Viagra was brought on the market the following year and became an instant success and “ED” became a topic that everyone began talking about. Sixty-five million all over the world have bought the “little blue pill” and millions more have bought other ED drugs.
There is another sexual problem that is not talked about as freely, but impacts even more men and their sexual partners than ED. It’s called premature ejaculation or PE. In my recent article “The Other Sex Drug Women Wish Men Would Learn About,” I quoted CNBC reporter Jane Wells who said, “Call it the anti-Viagra. It’s not a product for the man who can’t get the party started. It’s for the man who ends the party too soon.” Some may call it the “anti-Viagra” drug, but I’ve found that PE and ED can often go together.
Doctors at the prestigious Mayo Clinic say, “Premature ejaculation occurs when a man ejaculates sooner during sexual intercourse than he or his partner would like. Premature ejaculation is a common sexual complaint. Estimates vary, but as many as 1 out of 3 men say they experience this problem at some time.”
When I was a younger man, more apt to be concerned about PE and ED, suggested ways to slow ejaculation went from “Relax, don’t worry about it” to “Think about having sex with your mother-in-law.” Now, there are a number of more scientifically sound and helpful approaches for addressing PE. Here are a number that have proven to be effective.
Promescent is an ejaculation delaying spray that absorbs into the skin of the penis prior to sexual activity. In a study reported in the International Journal of Impotence Research, researchers found that the use of the product had significant positive effects on slowing ejaculations and improved partner experience and orgasm. Additionally, the product was reported as relatively easy to use, with little interruption to the sexual experience in application, and a largely positive perceived impact on the sexual experience for participants.
Ayurveda is India’s traditional healing system. It relies on thousands of herbs to treat everything from diabetes to inflammation. Certain Ayurvedic medicines, such as kaunch beej, kamini vidrawan ras, and yauvanamrit vati, are thought to treat premature ejaculation when taken in capsule form twice daily with lukewarm water. A 2017 Sexual Medicine study found that men who used Ayurvedic medicine saw a slight, but significant, increase in the time it took to ejaculate during sex.
A weekly or daily dose of Chinese herbal medicine — in particular, Yimusake tablets or Qilin pills — may treat premature ejaculation by boosting sexual stamina and improving energy. That same Sexual Medicine study found that different types of Chinese herbal medicine can increase ejaculation time by about two minutes.
This is the one I found helpful as a young man. The pause and squeeze technique helps treat premature ejaculation by letting arousal dwindle a bit before climax. When you feel you’re ready to ejaculate, stop and have your partner squeeze the end of your penis where the head joins the shaft, gently, of course. I’ve found this technique can be fun if you let it. It involves your partner and can help “get you out of your head” and allows you to remain engaged. As you become less anxious, and more tuned into your own body rhythms and natural arousal, you’ll find yourself more proficient at riding the waves of arousal and relaxation that can make sexual activity pleasurable.
Strengthening your pelvic floor muscles can have a big impact on how long it takes you to climax. A 2014 Therapeutic Advances in Urology study Trusted Source found that pelvic floor exercises can help men dealing with lifelong premature ejaculation control their ejaculatory reflex, increasing the time it takes for them to climax. To perform pelvic floor exercises:
- Find the right muscles by stopping mid-stream while peeing or tightening the muscles that stop you from passing gas.
- While laying down, contract your pelvic floor muscles for 3 seconds, and then relax for 3 seconds. Do this at least 10 times in a row. Repeat at least 3 times a day.
- Gradually increase the number of seconds as your muscles become stronger. Try new positions, such as standing, walking, or sitting down.
- Don’t forget to breathe, and remember to focus only on your pelvic floor muscles. Don’t tighten your abs, thighs, or buttocks.
Prior to the discovery of Viagra in 1998 to treat erectile dysfunction, this common problem that affected men and their partners was often a taboo subject. Now erectile dysfunction (ED) is discussed openly and millions of men are getting the help they need and men and women feel they have gotten their sex lives back.
I suspect that with the discovery of Promescent and other methods for treating premature ejaculation, PE, will also “come out of the closet” and more and more people will be able to talk about this common problem and get the help they need. This is sure to improve the sex lives of both men and women. I look forward to your comments and questions.
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